Ever wish you could read your husband’s mind? Western culture encourages husbands and wives to talk to each other and discuss things.
However, in many Muslim cultures, men are raised to be stoic and tight-lipped. Muslim husbands are very often (not always) reluctant to talk about certain things with their wives.
Part of the problem with the wives is also that sometimes it is hard to actually formulate their thoughts into the right words.
The only thing more difficult than translating thoughts to words is translating feelings to words.
So, a lot of Muslim men and women go through their marriages with very little communication and never really knowing what the other person is thinking.
This quick list is for the Muslim sisters in my audience. This list will give you good idea of some of the things your husband thinks about, but just doesn’t know how, or want, to tell you.
1. Above All, He Desires Your Respect
Women want to know their husbands love them, and men want to know their wives respect them.
You can imagine how frustrating it would be for a man, who tries his best to care for his family, to be married to a woman who doesn’t respect him. She may declare that she loves him, but without her respect, he will quickly fall out of love with her.
This idea is put forward in the Quran where Allah says:
"Men are in charge of women by what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband’s] absence what Allah would have them guard."
(Surah 4, Verse 34)
2. He Desires Your Loyalty
Your husband needs to know that you’re going to be by his side if:
* He loses his job and the money gets tight.
* He tries to do something (like start a business or go back to school) but fails at it.
* His reputation is tarnished or his honor is attacked.
You should be loyal to your husband before everything else except Allah and His Messenger (pbuh).
If you’re loyal to your husband, than rest assured he’ll be loyal to you.
3. He Wants To Have Sex More Often
Let’s get this right out into the open. Some women might think men are narrow-minded brutes for this, but it’s the truth.Men desire sex. Men really desire sex.
So when you give him the following excuses:
“I’ve got a headache.”
“I’m not feeling good.”
“Can’t it wait till the weekend? I’m really not in the mood.”
Know that your husband is going to go to sleep a little upset with you, even if he doesn’t show it. And do this often enough, he’s going to start resenting you. And that resentment will build up and may lead to him being unnecessarily mean to you or losing some love.
Please keep the following hadith in mind:
When a man calls his wife to his bed, and she does not respond and he (the husband) spends the night angry with her, the angels curse her until morning.
Bukhari and Muslim.
Something to think about.
4. He Thinks About Other Women
Okay, first of all, calm down. Don’t unsubscribe from my mailing list just yet. Let me explain this.
All men think about other women.
- It doesn’t mean he’s going to cheat on you.
- It doesn’t mean he’s thinking about taking a second wife.
- It doesn’t mean he’s fantasizing about another woman.
- It just means that all (straight) men do, at some point in their lives, consider having another woman (i.e. wife).
You’re better off coming to terms with this and accepting it than having false, purile notions about men. The best way to combat these thoughts are to apply the advice given in the first three secrets:
- Respect him.
- Be loyal to him.
- Give him physical love when he wants it.
5. He Wants To Make You Happy
- Why do you think men work so hard to make money?
- Why do you think men are willing to leave their jobs and risk starting a business?
- Why do you think men like buying women gifts?
Because deep down, they really just want to make you happy.
Sometimes he screws it up and forgets the wedding anniversary. But he really would prefer to remember because he knows it would make you happy.
So when your husband buys you a gift, accept it, rejoice over it, thank him profusely, and use it as often as possible.
6. If You Nudge Him, He Can Be A Better Muslim
Nobody’s perfect.Perhaps your husband isn’t a Muslim scholar. Perhaps he’s not the best Muslim in the world. You can nudge him to make him better. But you can’t force him.
Do little things to get him to improve his Islam.
- Offer to wake him up for Salaatul Fajr.
- Encourage him to make Salaah at the Masjid.
- Tell him how much nicer he’d look if he grew his beard.
This takes deliberate words, a soft touch, and careful action. No one likes to be preached to.But if you do this right, you’ll be getting a double reward:
The reward that comes with living with a righteous husband. And the reward in the next life for encouraging your husband to the truth.
"Except for those who have believed and done righteous deeds and advised each other to truth and advised each other to patience." (Surah 103, Verse 3)
7. He Loves You, Even If He Doesn’t Always Show It
I know, this one may be kinda hard to swallow. But it’s true (usually).
Men are just not that good at showing emotion (unless you’re talking sports or politics). Men don’t tell their wives “I love you” often enough.
It is very important that you understand this.
- If he’s doing his best to take care of you.
- If he sincerely tries to solve your problems and helps you in the best way he can.
- Then chances are he loves you. A lot.
Now move from in front of the television and go make your husband a sandwich.
JUST KIDDING! :)
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About Happy Muslim Family
HappyMuslimFamily.net is an effort to help muslim spouses live their family life according to the Shariah ahkam that instill contentment in the family lives as mentioned by Allah (subhanuhu wa ta'ala):
"And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought." (Al Quran 30:21)
This tranquility in the Muslim families is missing today, in an era where we are deeply affected by the Western way of life and their corrupt concepts.
HappyMuslimFamily.net is an effort to educate the Muslim spouses to eradicate these corrupt western concepts and replace them with the pure concepts of Islam, in the light of Quran and Sunnah. Knowing these Islamic concepts and acting on them will result in tranquility in our homes and the society as well.
For any questions or feedback, you can always contact us atinfo@happymuslimfamily.net
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