Sunday, February 11, 2018

Monday, March 28, 2016

Should Wife put "No Polygamy" Stipulation in Marital Contract

Should Wife put "No Polygamy" Stipulation in Marital Contract
​By: Umm Janna

Whether a wife should put into her marital contract the stipulation that her husband not take a second wife is truly a decision that is left up to her. It has been said by some scholars that it would be better for the prospective wife not to place this stipulation in her marital contract. This is because if her husband desires to marry another wife, he might divorce her without consultation so that he can marry the other wife.

The writer has observed, however, that many men who enter polygamy do so, or at least profess to doing so, because they wish to help women in need  of male companionship and support. This being the case, it is highly unlikely that most men would leave their first wife, merely to help out another woman who is in need if it meant they would have to divorce their first wife. This would defeat their purpose of helping out another woman in need, as their own wife would then be placed into this position.

On the other hand, placing this stipulation into the wedding contract would likely prevent many frivolous marriages that might occur otherwise . . . frivolous marriages that can--and do--put into jeapordy the intact marriage of the original couple. 

Many husbands, prospective additional wives--and even first wives--do not realize how catastrophic polygamy can be for the first wife and her children.

Marriages are an important institution that should be maintained to the utmost by all parties involved. Avoidable acts that make the marriage bond fragile should be just that--avoided. 

Islam of course allows for exceptions to rules during extenuating circumstances. The verse of polygamy, in fact, was revealed surrounding a period of extraordinary circumstances--times of war when there are widows and orphans.

I have no authority to state that this is the only time that polygamy can be practiced. But from my understanding, the context of revelation does have an influence on how rulings are applied, and Allahu Alim. 

The point I am trying to make is that, polygamy is not obligatory. Because of the enormous fitnah and trial that it brings to the first wife and her children, and possible dissolution of the first marriage, it might be prudent for some women to place the above stipulation in their wedding contract. And Allahu Alim.

Grandma Jeddah's Successfull Muslim Marriage provides Muslim mothers with the wisdom and ways to stay married . . . through the difficult times, Insha'Allah. Visit her website and store for more helpful tips on Staying Together


Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Importance of Starting Out Properly

Marriage Tip for Today - The Rewards in Marriage

Abu Dhar al-Ghafari reported: ‘The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: “there is a reward for you [even] in sex with your wife."’ The companions asked: ‘O Messenger of Allah (saws) is there a reward if one satisfies his passion?" He (saws) said: "Do you know that if he satisfies it unlawfully he has taken a sin upon himself?  Likewise, if he satisfies it lawfully, he is rewarded."Related by Ahmad and Muslim

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

The Benefits of Being Married

The Benefits of Being Married
 Fulfillment of deen (the full practice of religion) is accomplished through marriage. In Islam, we recognize that marriage is the state to which we aspire - a situation that supports, in every aspect, our attainment of the state that will please our Creator. To fulfill the role Allah (SWT) designed specifically for us, marriage is important. It is through marriage that these roles are fulfilled. Anas bin Malik reported that the Prophet (PBUH) said,

"When a man marries, he indeed perfects half of his religion. Then he should fear Allah for the remaining half."(Bukhari)

 For women, marriage provides support and protection,

"Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given one more (strength) than the other and because they support them from their means. Therefore, the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard" (Ali Imran:34-36).

 Satisfying sexual desires/needs may only be accomplished through marriage. As Muslims, we understand that sex outside of marriage is forbidden and considered a major sin. Therefore, sexual desires may only be satisfied within a marriage. Marriage provides protection from sin,

"They (wives) are like garments for you, and you are like garments for them" (Al Baqarah:187).

 Marriage provides companionship,

"...the companion by your side (the wife)." (Al Nisaa:36)

For Muslims, it is clear that the trend to delay or skip marriage is prohibited, and with good reason. Marriage still remains the trend in Muslim communities. This provides for the safety and security of women and children. It provides a safeguard against sexual sin for the man as well as for the woman. It provides two-parent homes for children and strong ethics that will support a lifestyle that is consistent with the practice of Islam. It provides loving and kind companionship. This is the way of Muslims.

Islam provides clear and ideal direction for all aspects of life. This is a perfect example of those directions. The religion tells Muslims to marry early. It provides clear guidelines for husbands and wives and, as they become parents, for parenting and for the behaviour of children. There is no guesswork in the process. The Benefits of Marriage

Grandma Jeddah's Successfull Muslim Marriage provides Muslim mothers with the wisdom and ways to stay married . . . through the difficult times, Insha'Allah. Visit her website and store for more helpful tips on Staying Together

Thursday, March 3, 2016

The real effect of pornography on relationships. (PsychologyToday)

The real effect of pornography on relationships.

Grandma Jeddah's Successfull Muslim Marriage provides Muslim mothers with the wisdom and ways to stay married . . . through the difficult times, Insha'Allah. Visit her website and store for more helpful tips on Staying Together

Friday, February 26, 2016

Who Wants an Arranged Marriage

Who Wants an Arranged Marriage  (

Did your parents find your husband for you? Was your marriage arranged? These questions are often asked in a derogatory and condescending manner. However, if the questioner only knew the value of such marital arrangements, he'd be pleading for a family member of his own to arrange a marriage for himself.

 When problems occur in a marriage Allah says in Quran to find a member from each side of the family to help resolvee the issue. 
Quran 4:35  And if you fear dissension between the two, send an arbitrator from his people and an arbitrator from her people. If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will cause it between them. Indeed, Allah is ever Knowing and Acquainted [with all things]

The other day I heard a story being told on Public Radio. An Asian non-Muslim couple were saying that they were breaking away from family tradition. They had decided to arange and pay for their own marriage. The young woman's parents weren't satisfied with the man she wanted to marry. the young woman stated that this was her life and she should be able to marry whomever she wished.

True. It is her life. Should she be able to marry whomever she wishes? Welll . . . I'm not so sure about that. There is no doubt that some men are better husband material than others. And there is no doubt that some women are oblivious to the unsuitable characteristics of some men. 

It is truly a blessing and mercy from Allah that Islam requires a woman to have a mahram to give her away in marriage. This is a protection for her against making one of the biggest mistakes in her life. A mistake that can effect her emotionally, mentally and even in some cases. . . physically.

Men know men in a way that women do not. They can see things in a man that a woman may overlook or be too infatuated to admit.

that being said, there is another reason why arranged marriages are beneficial for both marital partners. When marital problems arise, as mentioned above, Allah says the parties should get members from either side to help resolve the issue.

The parents of the husband and wife are the ones who will have to become involved in the marital discord between the two spouses. So in some respects, the marriage is not only between the husband and wife, but in some respects it is between the two families.

And if a divorce does occur, the in-laws are the ones who will be responsible for the wife and in some situations her children as well.

In-laws are human. And if they were opposed to the marriage in the first place, it is very likely that "I told you so" will be a phrase that the divorced parties will hear quite often. 

Unlike, a marriage that the in-laws condoned. They will more likely be empathetic and understanding of the couples plight.

The following is an interesting perspective on the benefit of arranged marriages and of the woman having a mahram to marry her. It is taken from Islamic World Website:

Marriage is not something to throw yourself into all by yourself. Getting the help of someone, especially parents, relatives, an Imam, and/or respected and trustworthy members of the Muslim community to either look for the right spouse and initiate and participate in a communication process is very important.In fact, even some non-Muslims have come to see this as a more viable way of meeting someone instead of getting involved in the disappointing dating game or picking someone up in a nightclub or bar. 

Involving others, by the way, does not mean signing over your right to say yes or no to a marriage proposal. It simply increases the likelihood of finding out important information about a prospective partner in a way that maintains rules of Islamic modesty (i.e. not meeting alone, see next point).

Getting that third party involved also helps verify if the person you are interested in is decent, honest and respectful. This person(s) often checks out references, asks about the individual’s character and behaviour, and looks out for your best interest in general.This person should be a trustworthy Muslim, since you are seeking a Muslim in marriage, and would want someone familiar with the Islamic way of doing things.

For those blessed with Muslim parents, remember that they are probably your best allies and helpers in seeking the right husband or wife. They have known you all of your life, and have your best interest at heart.

However, parents must be open and attentive to what their children are looking for, and never forget the element of choice. Ultimately, it is their son or daughter who is going to make the final decision.

They must never become too pushy or aggressive, whether this pressure is being applied on their own son or daughter, or on the person s/he is interested in.If parents, other family members, an Imam or members of the community are not available, you can also try seeking a husband or wife through the matrimonial services offered by a number of different Muslim organizations.

Always ask for references
This is also where your “third party” comes in handy. Not only will they be able to be your reference. They can also check out a prospective mate’s references.A reference can include an Imam who knows the brother who proposed to you, a sister who knows the woman you may want to marry well, a family friend, a boss, a co-worker, and/or business partner.

A note about honesty and references: the people you ask may know something not very nice about your prospective spouse. Remind them that if they reveal this information, they would not be backbiting from the Islamic perspective. In fact, in the case of seeking marriage, complete information should be given about an individual, both good and bad.

The advice of one of the companions of the Prophet, Umar Ibn al-Khattab can help in this regard: A man came to Umar ibn al-Khattab and spoke in praise of another. Umar asked him: “Are you his nearest neighbor such that you know his goings and his comings?” “No.” “Have you been his companion on a journey so that you could see evidence of his good character?” “No.” “Have you had dealings with him involving dinars and dirhams (money) which would indicate the piety of the man?” “No.” “I think you saw him standing in the mosque muttering the Quran and moving his head up and down?” “Yes.” “Go, for you do not know him...” And to the man in question, Umar said, “Go and bring me someone who knows you.”(quoted from Islam The Natural Way by Abdul Wahid Hamid, p. 66) 

This gives you three types of people you can ask about a prospective mate’s character: a neighbor, business colleague or someone who has traveled with them.1​: Purpose and Obligations

Grandma Jeddah's Successfull Muslim Marriage provides Muslim mothers with the wisdom and ways to stay married . . . through the difficult times, Insha'Allah. Visit her website and store for more helpful tips on Staying Together

Saturday, February 20, 2016

How to Make Marriage Work With a Blended Family With Teenagers

How to Make Marriage Work With a Blended Family With Teenagers

by Sonya Lott-Harrison, Demand Media

Grandma Jeddah's Successfull Muslim Marriage provides Muslim mothers with the wisdom and ways to stay married . . . through the difficult times, Insha'Allah. Visit her website and store for more helpful tips on Staying Together