If not You--Then Who:
Is Your Husband Starving for Attention
By: Grandma Jeddah
You’re tired of your
husband putting you down, making snide remarks responding to your comments with
sarcasm. Much has been discussed about the reasons why children misbehave-could
it be that some of these very same reasons could lead to an unaffectionate or
seemingly cold-hearted husband.
When people behave
in an obnoxious or inappropriate manner, generally it is more reflective of how
they are feeling about themselves more so than how they feel about you. If they
feel unimportant, rejected, incapable, humiliated, these feelings are often
projected on to others. And who is the most likely candidate for your husband
to dispense his ill feelings on—why you, of course.
It’s been said by
many a wise person—you can’t change others, but you can change
yourself. If you are experiencing
hurtful and unkind remarks or a negative attitude in general from your husband
(this does not include physical abuse) why not listen to the advice below:
Not long ago I
listened to a wonderful lecture on marriage by a sheikh (may Allah shower His
blessing upon the brother and his family). One of the points he was making was
that your husband has a natural desire to be flattered, loved, smiled at,
wooed, appreciated, etc.—you get the picture. If you, his wife, isn’t going to
be the one who speaks to him with an affectionate tone, who will? If you don’t
show your appreciation for his effort in working for the family, who will? If
you don’t tell him you love him, who will? If you don’t give him the emotional
support he needs during his difficult periods, who will? It might be the checkout lady at the grocery
store who gives him that warm smile he needs from you? Or maybe it will be his co-worker
who always seems to show her appreciativeness for his kindness.
Be the one your
husband can lean. Be his comforter. Be his “Khadijah”! And see if some of his
negative behavior starts to melt away.
Grandma Jeddah's Successfull Muslim Marriage provides Muslim mothers with the wisdom and ways to stay married . . . through the difficult times, Insha'Allah. Visit her website and store for more helpful tips on Staying Together