Monday, June 30, 2014

Why Being married Doesn't Always Feel So Comfortable (By Tiya Cunningham-Sumter, From BMWK)

Why Being married Doesn't Always Feel So Comfortable (By Tiya Cunningham-Sumter, From BMWK)
http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2014/06/why-being-married-doesnt-always-feel-so-comfortable/

Grandma Jeddah's Successfull Muslim Marriage provides Muslim mothers with the wisdom and ways to stay married . . . through the difficult times, Insha'Allah. Visit her website and store for more helpful tips on Staying Together

Friday, June 27, 2014

The Date Night Dilemma (By Paula Rollo, From: HappyWivesClub)

The Date Night Dilemma (By Paula Rollo, From: HappyWivesClub)
Here is one way to develop a successful Muslim Marriage, insha'Allah
http://www.happywivesclub.com/the-date-night-dilemma/

Grandma Jeddah's Successfull Muslim Marriage provides Muslim mothers with the wisdom and ways to stay married . . . through the difficult times, Insha'Allah. Visit her website and store for more helpful tips on Staying Together

Monday, June 23, 2014

Divorce is Immature & Selfish-Don't Do It (From: Penelope Trunk)

Divorce is Immature & Selfish-Don't Do It (From: Penelope Trunk)
What do you think?
http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2012/02/28/divorce-is-immature-and-selfish-dont-do-it/

Grandma Jeddah's Successfull Muslim Marriage provides Muslim mothers with the wisdom and ways to stay married . . . through the difficult times, Insha'Allah. Visit her website and store for more helpful tips on Staying Together

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Dua to Recite During Ramadan


SOME SUPPLICATIONS WHICH MAY
BE RECITED AT 'ARAFAT, AT THE
SACRED SITES, AND AT OTHER
PLACES OF SUPPLICATION

Retrieved from
A GUIDE TO HAJJ, UMRAH AND VISITING THE PROPHET'S MOSQUE

O Allah! I ask of You integrity and soundness in my religion, my life, my family, and my possessions. O Allah! Cover my shame, pacify my fears, guard me from what is in front of me and behind me, from what is on my right and on my left, over my head and under my
feet. O Allah! Grant health to my body. O Allah grant health to my hearing. O Allah! Grant health to my sight. There is no deity except You. O Allah! | seek refuge in You from unbelief and
poverty, and from the punishment to the grave. There is no deity except You.

O Allah! You are my Lord. There is no deity except You. You are my Creator and I am your creature. I try to keep my covenant with You and to live in the hope to Your promise as well as I can. I seek refuge in You from my own evil deeds. I acknowledge Your favors to me, and
I acknowledge my sins. Forgive me my sins, for there is no one who can forgive sins except You. O Allah! | seek refuge in You from worry and sorrow. I seek refuge in You from impotence and sloth, from stinginess and cowardice, and I seek refuge in You from the burden of debt and from being humbled by men.

O Allah! make the beginning of this day good, the middle prosperous, and the end successful. I ask You to grant me the good of this world and of the Hereafter, O Most Merciful of all Who show us mercy!

O Allah! I ask of You to make me pleased with what You decreed for me return to good life after death, and earnestly seek the pleasure of looking at Your Glorious Countenance and the craving to meet you, without distress or affliction or misguiding trial. I seek refuge in You from
oppressing others or being oppressed, from doing wrong or suffering wrong, and from committing an error or a sin which You will not forgive.

O Allah! I seek refuge in You from the feebleness of old age.

O Allah! Guide me to the best of deeds and the best of morals, as none can guide to the best except You, and save me from bad deeds, as none can save me from what is bad except You. O Allah! Strengthen my faith, expand my living space and bless me in my livelihood.

O Allah! I seek refuge in You from negligence, degradation, and destitution. I seek refuge in You from unbelief, wickedness, vanity and show; and I seek refuge in You from blindness, deafness and leprosy and bad diseases. O Allah! Give my soul piety and my conscience purity. You are the Master of my soul and the Guardian of my conscience. O Allah! l seek refuge in You from a knowledge which does not benefit, from a heart which does not tremble, from an ego which is not sated, and from a supplication which is not accepted.

O Allah! I seek refuge in You from the evil of what I did and from the evil of what I did not do; from the evil of what I know and from the evil of what I did not know. O Allah! I seek refuge in You from a decline in Your favor, from a change in Your protection, from Your sudden punishment and all Your displeasure.

O Allah! I seek refuge in You from ruin and falling, from drowning and burning, and from senility: I seek refuge in You from Satan's beguiling me at my death, and I seek refuge in You from being bitten by venomous creatures. I seek refuge in You from greed, bad manners,
bad actions, bad desires and bad diseases. I seek refuge in You from the burden of debt, from being humbled by people, and from the ridicule of enemies.

O Allah! Strengthen my religion which is my fortress. Make this world a better place of sojourn for me, and grant me a good life in the Hereafter which will be my abode. Make my life increase In all goodness and my death a rest from all evil.

O Allah! Support me and help me, and do not let others overpower me. Guide me and make the following of Your Commands easy for me.

O Allah! Make me grateful to You, mindful of You, full of fear toward You, devoted to obedience to You, humble before You, earnest in supplication, and penitent. My
Lord, accept my repentance, wash away my sins, answer my supplication, establish my veracity, guide my heart, make my tongue truthful, and remove all ill feeling from my heart.

O Allah! I ask You for a resolute mind and firmness in following the guidance. I ask You to make me thankful for Your favor, to be of good service to You, and to grant me a sound heart and a truthful tongue. I ask You to grant me what You know to be good and to give me refuge
from what is evil, and to forgive me - and You are the Knower of the Unseen. O Allah! Inspire me with good conduct and save me from the evil of my selfishness. O Allah! I ask You to guide me to the doing of good deeds and abstaining from bad deeds and love those who are humble, and to forgive me and show mercy to me. And if You wish a trial for Your servants, take me to You before falling into lt.

O Allah! I ask You for Your love and the love of those who love You, and for the love of every action which will bring me closer to Your love.

O Allah! I ask You for the best of this request, for the best in my supplication, for the best success and the best reward. Strengthen me, make heavier my balance of good, confirm my faith, elevate my rank, accept my worship, and forgive my mistakes. And I ask of You the highest ranks in the Garden of Paradise. I ask You for good beginnings, good endings, the totality of goodness, from the first to the last, from within and from without, and I ask of You the highest ranks in the Garden.

O Allah! I ask You to exalt my fame, lighten my burden, purify my heart, keep me chaste, forgive me my sins, and I ask of You a high rank in the Garden O Allah! Bless me in my sight, in my hearing, in my soul, in my body, in my conduct. Bless me in my life, in my family, in my work. Accept my good deeds, and I ask of You a high rank In the Garden.

O Allah! I seek refuge In You from difficulties, calamities, troubles, oppression and the ridicule of enemies.

O Allah! O Controller of the Hearts. Keep my heart firm In Your religion; keep it contented with Your worshlp.

O Allah! Grant us increase and not decrease, honor and not dishonor; give us Your favors and do not deprive us; prefer us, let not others be preferred to us. O Allah! Grant us the best of outcomes in all our affairs, and save us from disgrace in this world and from punishment in the Hereafter.

O Allah! Grant us such fear of You as will come between us and acts of disobedience to You, such obedience to You as will bring us to Your Garden; and such certainty that the calamities of this .world will be made easy for us by You. Let us enjoy our hearing, our sight and our faculties as long as You grant us life, and let it be, the last to be taken away from us. Avenge us from
those who have wronged us and help us against our enemies. Let no calamity befall our religion; let not worldly affairs be our greatest care or all about which we know; and let not those who have no fear of You and who do not show mercy toward us rule over us.

O Allah! I ask You to bestow Your mercy on me, to forgive me, to protect me from every sin, to give me a share of every good, and to grant me the attainment of the Garden and salvation from the Fire.

O Allah! Leave not for us a sin which You have not forgiven, nor a shortcoming which You have not concealed, nor a wary which You have not removed, nor a debt which You have not paid, nor a need from among the needs of this world or the Hereafter, the fulfillment of which is beneficial for us and pleasing to You, which You have not fulfilled, 0 Most Merciful of all show us mercy!

O Allah! I ask for a mercy from You by which You will guide my heart, settle my affairs, remove my worries, protect me from what is unseen to me. Make my face radiant, purify my deeds, inspire me with wisdom, avert calamities from me. and protect me from every evil.

O Allah! I ask You for success on the day of judgment, and a life of happiness, and the rank of the martyrs, the companionship of the prophets, and victory over the enemies. O Allah! | ask You for correctness of belief; for a faith which leads to good conduct; for a success which results in eternal felicity; for mercy, health and forgiveness from You, and for Your pleasure.

O Allah! I ask You for health, for integrity, for good character, and that I may be pleased with my portion.

O Allah! seek refuge in You from the evil of myself, and from the evil of every creature which You are grasping by its forelock. O my Lord, keep me on the straight path.


O Allah! You hear my words. You behold my situation, You know what is open and what is hidden within me; nothing is hidden from You. It is me alone who is in need, a humble seeker of Your forgiveness. I beseech You with humility in my heart, with trembling and fear, in prostration and utter helplessness. O Allah! Grant me soundness of belief, goodness of character, forgiveness of my sins, and Your eternal pleasure in the Hereafter. May Allah's blessings be upon Muhammad and his family and companions.

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Is Piety the Only Beauty (By Umm Reem, From: Ideal Muslimah)

Is Piety the Only Beauty (By Umm Reem, From: Ideal Muslimah)
When was the last time you dressed up for your husband?
http://idealmuslimah.com/family/wife/2880-is-piety-the-only-beauty.html

Grandma Jeddah's Successfull Muslim Marriage provides Muslim mothers with the wisdom and ways to stay married . . . through the difficult times, Insha'Allah. Visit her website and store for more helpful tips on Staying Together

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Glimpses of Marital Bliss: The Love Letter (By Maryam Amirebrahimi: From SuhaibWebb.com)

Glimpses of Marital Bliss: The Love Letter

 (By Maryam Amirebrahimi: From SuhaibWebb.com)

http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/spouse/the-love-letter/


Many of us have taken someone in our lives for granted. Sometimes that person has caused us anguish, yet we underestimate how much we love them and how much we would miss them if they were no longer with us. A widow shares with us a glimpse of her marital bliss:
“A few years ago, my husband passed away. It was sudden and so unexpected. I was not ready for him to be gone so quickly. I still am not ready to be alone. We were married for over fifty years. How do you live with someone for fifty years and then move on from that, on your own?
Less than twenty-four hours before his death, we had spent the day by the beach, shopping together, eating out together, enjoying the beautiful weather together. We were blessed in our lives, even though things did not turn out the way I had expected. We did not always get along. Sometimes he did not want me to do the things I loved. Sometimes I felt like he was a barrier between me and my dreams. Sometimes I was angry at him. Sometimes I blamed him for what he stopped me from becoming.
But through the ups and downs, we were there for one another. It is comforting to know that there is someone who is always going to love you, to smile at you before you sleep, to tell you that he loves you after you are done arguing. To help you become a better person, even if it is a different person than the one you wanted to be.
My husband knew I am a cleaner. I like to take things out and dust them off and organize. Some time after he had passed, I was cleaning our home and thinking about him. I was reflecting on how I think he knew his time was coming. The month before he passed, he would watch the live prayers from Mecca for hours. He did not use to do that, but he suddenly craved it. He said it brought him peace. He said he wanted to visit Allah’s House, subhanahu wa ta`ala — exalted is He. Maybe Allah (swt) wanted him to visit Him instead. May Allah (swt) shower His mercy on him. As you read this, please take a moment to pray for him.
As I thought of him, of our memories, of our children, our grandchildren, the places we had visited, the sacrifices we had to make, the turmoil in our lives, the blessings we had together… I came across a paper, folded amongst the books I was organizing. I opened it and held my breath. It was in his handwriting.
“My love,
You mean so much to me. I love you.
-       Your husband”
I read it over and over, and I wept. He knew I would eventually see the note. Maybe he wrote it because he felt he would not be able to tell me in person sometime soon. Maybe Allah (swt) wanted to comfort me when He knew my longing was so intense.
I miss him so immensely. Yes, I did make sacrifices for him. And sometimes I was angry, depressed and resentful because of it. Sometimes I held on to my resentful feelings for years.
But if it took sacrificing everything I wanted in life just to spend one more day with him holding my hand, making me laugh, looking at me with love filling his eyes, humming in the shower, thanking me for dinner, hearing his voice speaking to our kids on the phone, or kissing me goodnight, I would do it. Just for one more day. He was worth it.”
Grandma Jeddah's Successfull Muslim Marriage provides Muslim mothers with the wisdom and ways to stay married . . . through the difficult times, Insha'Allah. Visit her website and store for more helpful tips on Staying Together

Friday, June 13, 2014

Abused Men (By: Munira Lekovic Ezzeldine From: Suhaib Web)

Abused Men 
(By: Munira Lekovic Ezzeldine From: SuhaibWeb.com)

The idea that a man could be abused seems unimaginable to many. Yet it is a reality. Abuse of men is socially minimized because people do not know enough about the cycle of abuse. But domestic violence against men, and abusive relationships of all types, occurs across all ethnic, racial, religious and socio-economic levels.
The statistics of men abused by their wives is difficult to determine, but the Bureau of Justice Statistic Crime Data Brief on “Intimate Partner Violence” (2003), found approximately 15% of domestic violence cases involve men as the victims. This statistic may be even higher because the abuse of men usually goes unreported. Oregoncounseling.org reports that 30-40% of domestic violence cases involve men being abused by women. The reality is that men report abuse less than women; even when they do report incidents, there is little support and scarce resources to help them.
Abused men also react differently and are treated differently by society than abused women. The impact of abuse towards husbands is less apparent and less likely to come to society’s attention. Sadly, for men who do report being abused, the people around them are usually surprised, and instead of dealing with the abuse, they may just minimize it or not believe them at all. Comments such as “you’re tough, a woman can’t hurt you” or “take it like a man” or “what did you do to upset her?” all lay blame on the man for the abuse and even suggest he should be able to “take the abuse” without complaining.
Abuse against men has some similarities and differences from how it manifests towards women. For both, physical abuse includes pushing, slapping, hitting, throwing objects, striking with an object or using a weapon. Men are also quicker to resort to physical abuse in a relationship and are capable of more brutal physical assaults than woman.
Emotional abuse however, has very different effects on men and women. Calling a man a ‘coward’ or a ‘failure’ for example, is more psychologically humiliating than for a woman. Emotional abuse is an area where women are often more brutal than men and in most cases men are more affected by emotional torment than physical attacks. For a man, being mocked and humiliated in front of other men by his wife can be more devastating than being punched. Men may tolerate physical abuse from their wife because they feel they live up to the code of “never hitting a woman.” However, being humiliated by a woman is extremely devastating and can have far more severe consequences.
Emotional abuse includes verbal attacks such as yelling, blaming, ridiculing, name-calling, intimidation, controlling behaviors, isolation from family or friends, shaming, and threats of physical violence. Emotional abuse often escalates to the point of physical abuse and in some cases, even death.
Men in abusive relationships say they feel they “walk on eggshells” around their wife in order to “keep the peace” and try to prevent her from having an angry reaction. There are underlying psychological problems, primarily personality disorders, in which women are characteristically abusive and violent towards their husbands. According to Batteredmen.com, Borderline Personality Disorder is a diagnosis that is found primarily in women; 50% of abuse cases against men are associated with women who have Borderline Personality disorder. The disorder is also associated with suicidal behavior, severe mood swings, lying, sexual problems and drug abuse.
Consider this case and see if you can find the early warning signs of abuse:
Adam met Aliya nine years ago when they were working together at the hospital. She was an incredibly smart nurse who was outgoing and got along with all the staff. Adam was an accomplished cardiologist who worked long hours and loved his profession. Adam was intrigued by Aliya and her quick wit; they had wonderful conversations and found they had a lot in common. Adam courted Aliya for six months and she repeatedly insisted that he needed to be a man and propose to her already. He loved her and so he asked her to marry him. As they began making plans for the wedding, Aliya got highly emotional and her short temper became more apparent. Adam wanted her to be happy and have the wedding of her dreams so he tried to defuse arguments by agreeing to her demands. He got used to expecting her mood swings when things didn’t work out the way she wanted, so he would try to avoid arguments with her.
Many times Adam felt he had to hide what he was really feeling so as not to upset Aliya. She usually blamed him for the way she reacted and told him she loved him so much that he made her act crazy some times. Because he knew she was insecure, he forgave her and constantly reassured her that he loved her. One night when he came home from the hospital, he found Aliya in the kitchen angry. She started yelling at him for forgetting to pick up the dry cleaning on his way home. She called him an idiot and an awful husband and said she could never rely on him to do anything for her. He began to apologize, but Aliya cut him off and continued to yell at him. She picked up a plate off the counter and threw it at him. He was shocked at her explosion and repeatedly tried to calm her down. She got angrier and slapped him for trying to control how she was feeling. Adam emotionally shut down and decided to walk away from the argument as she continued to yell obscenities at him. Adam felt like he couldn’t do anything right to make her happy.
He tried to talk to her family and friends about her behavior but everyone told him he just needed to be more understanding and patient. He tried to get her to go to counseling with him for their problems and she refused. She continued to blame him for being unhappy in the marriage and insisted he was the one who needed to change. Over the years, she would increasingly get frustrated with him and assume he was doing things to frustrate her on purpose. She would throw things at him, vases and knives, slap him, punch him, and shove him back. Adam began working longer at the hospital so that he didn’t have to go home and deal with her. He felt stuck in his marriage because he still felt sympathy towards Aliya since she had no one in her life that truly seemed to care for her. Furthermore, he made a commitment to her when he married her that he was going to be her protector no matter what.
Why Do Men Stay?
Men stay in abusive relationships for many reasons. They may feel that there is no way out, often ignoring the initial symptoms of an emotionally abusive spouse which may have quickly turned into a physically abusive relationship. Further men may be emotionally or financially dependent on their wives.. The idea of leaving the relationship may bring up feelings of anxiety or depression due to a fear of being alone or facing the stigma of separation. Instead of dealing with the feelings of being alone he will tell himself he just needs to be a better husband, assuming the blame in the relationship for not doing his part, and feeling that he deserves the abuse.
Men may carry forward unrealistic beliefs that they can and should do something to make the marriage bearable. Abused men with children may be afraid to leave because of threats from wives to abduct the children or not allowing fathers to see them. A man may also  fear  leaving the children alone with an abusive mother  as she may harm them too. The legal system cannot guarantee joint custody and so, in a weaker position, fathers could lose access to their children. Additionally, men may fear a bias in the legal system, which sides with the wife who might accuse him of abusing her – and the judge might believe her.
There is also a paternal reputation at stake as fathers may worry their wives will  tell his children that he is a bad person or that he does not love them. Often there is a worry of being stigmatized or labeled as “spineless,” or “wimps,” for being overly dependent on the woman. Abused men are usually too afraid to share or admit to others they are being abused because they fear it is a sign of losing their manhood.
Many men will simply stay in abusive relationships and “retreat” from the abuser by staying busy at work and coming home late. In order for a man to leave an abusive relationship, he needs to begin developing emotional independence. A man who stays in an abusive relationship feels like he “can’t be alone” as men depend on women to take care of them physically, emotionally and sexually. Learning independence and being comfortable alone will help a man grow emotionally. This growth will also help him stop the cycle of abuse by recognizing the patterns of abusive women.. Change is difficult, but when a man is ready to acknowledge the abuse and take action, he will be able to make a decision that is best for him and his family insha’Allah. Being alone and raising children alone can be a scary prospect, but once a man finds inner strength to do things differently in the relationship, he will be able to regain his self-worth and self- respect.
Help for men who are victims of domestic abuse is not as prevalent as it is for women. There are virtually no shelters, programs or advocacy groups for men. One resource is the book, Abused Men: The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence by Phillip Cook. Abused men can also get support through private counseling services or they can contact The Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women at www.dahmw.org.

Grandma Jeddah's Successfull Muslim Marriage provides Muslim mothers with the wisdom and ways to stay married . . . through the difficult times, Insha'Allah. Visit her website and store for more helpful tips on Staying Together