If not You--Then Who:
Is Your Husband Starving for Attention
By: Grandma Jeddah
You’re tired of your husband putting you down, making snide remarks responding to your comments with sarcasm. Much has been discussed about the reasons why children misbehave-could it be that some of these very same reasons could lead to an unaffectionate or seemingly cold-hearted husband.
When people behave in an obnoxious or inappropriate manner, generally it is more reflective of how they are feeling about themselves more so than how they feel about you. If they feel unimportant, rejected, incapable, humiliated, these feelings are often projected on to others. And who is the most likely candidate for your husband to dispense his ill feelings on—why you, of course.
It’s been said by many a wise person—you can’t change others, but you can change yourself. If you are experiencing hurtful and unkind remarks or a negative attitude in general from your husband (this does not include physical abuse) why not listen to the advice below:
Not long ago I listened to a wonderful lecture on marriage by a sheikh (may Allah shower His blessing upon the brother and his family). One of the points he was making was that your husband has a natural desire to be flattered, loved, smiled at, wooed, appreciated, etc.—you get the picture. If you, his wife, isn’t going to be the one who speaks to him with an affectionate tone, who will? If you don’t show your appreciation for his effort in working for the family, who will? If you don’t tell him you love him, who will? If you don’t give him the emotional support he needs during his difficult periods, who will? It might be the checkout lady at the grocery store who gives him that warm smile he needs from you? Or maybe it will be his co-worker who always seems to show her appreciativeness for his kindness.
Be the one your husband can lean. Be his comforter. Be his “Khadijah”! And see if some of his negative behavior starts to melt away.
Grandma Jeddah's Successfull Muslim Marriage provides Muslim mothers with the wisdom and ways to stay married . . . through the difficult times, Insha'Allah. Visit her website and store for more helpful tips on Staying Together